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Short Version Summary:

1. I finished the final edit of my book. 180 pages and 16 chapters of pure atheist gold in my view. 

2. I was looking forward to a bit of a sense of accomplishment and feeling proud about contributing to the atheist community with my book. This is a community I have grown to love, admire, respect, and heavily identify with. I leaned heavily into the book with my doubt. I love them.

3. However, a profound sense of emptiness came on me in the days after printing the book.

4. I told someone close this information. They offered to pray. Praying is something I had not done a long time. I poke fun at prayer in my book. 

5. While praying, I felt peace that I had not felt in a long time. 

6. I prayed again later that night standing alone in my kitchen after I got home. A clear and bold message followed: Are you done yet? I’m still here. I love you.

7. I decided I was done. I was deeply scared and ashamed for a moment. But then I felt peace again and felt even proud of. Nothing to be ashamed or scared of. We all have doubts and that is ok. We are all human.

8. Then later, this was clearly communicated to me as I was laying in my bed alone: What was meant to cause more doubt, will now be used to help those with doubt. Faith... Another thing I poked fun of in my book... Along with religious leaders... Anyway, I feel humbled. I love atheists, agnostics and theists. I basically just love and appreciate all humans. No matter who you are, you are amazing and loved.

9. I am continuing to be the best I can be. 

10. Thanks for your interest.